Origin stories are a thing these days, as well as reboots. Are the bible stories too sacred that they cannot be - uh - tweaked? Much of the bible stories we hear have already been "disneyfied" because we think kids these days cannot handle the drama and trauma in the bible. So how heretical is this compared to the mush we were fed with?

Consider this fanfic, but if this takes a life of its own,
at least our myth is cuter than your myth.